At an early age, you learned to shut down your inner cues and focus the full measure of your attention on the people around you.

This form of enmeshment is true especially if you’re a first born daughter.

In focusing your attention on how to make everyone around you happy, you do not easily focus on yourself.

In other words, you prioritize the well-being of the family before your own.

That’s what a good girl (wife, mother, sister, daughter) would do.

The belief that lives underneath this type of thinking? If you are able to make everyone else’s life comfortable, then you can focus on yourself, guilt-free.

The problem is, giving what you haven’t got is exhausting and debilitating. 

Have you noticed that no matter what you do, it is never enough? Someone is always displeased and disappointed. 

Trying so hard has led you on the edge of depletion, perhaps even to disease of body, mind and spirit. 

But, there you are … trying to keep it all together  as it is all falling apart. You want to control it, to manage it, to make it better. So you insert yourself and make it known that you know what you’re talking about. 

And… for a thousand different reasons that you’re trying to keep track of, it’s simply not working out as it should. 

The belief system that lives underneath this type of thinking? You are responsible for getting ish-done because no one else can or no one else will – certainly no one else can do it as well as you. 

The problem with this? You are running on depletion. You are also lacking in trust because you don’t believe anyone will live up to your expectations (they can’t!). Taking everything on is not just overwhelming you, but it is also taking away the opportunity for another to shine. How’s that for a platform of perpetual guilt?!

You love the people in your life and want them to be the best version of themselves. 

You have studied vehemently and you know what they should be doing to make their lives better – and you tell them that! 

But everything you do and say eventually leaves you feeling as though you are talking to a brick wall. You can clearly see things another cannot see, and you try so hard to convince them to see things your way – after all, it just makes sense! And their life (and yours) would be so much better if only they’d listen. 

But, basically no one really hears you. No matter how loud you scream or post on social media or come up with compelling arguments.

 You are exhausted and pissed off because you know what you know and you wish everyone would just get on board already! But, they’re not. Nothing is going as it’s supposed to. 

The irony of all of this? The person this is hurting most is you. Living how you want others to live must start with you. Are you willing to use your fire to create a different life, for yourself?

Have you learned to not want, because wanting got you in trouble? Perhaps you ‘freeze’ when you think about your life and your needs. You literally go blank. 

You believe no one wants to hear what you have to say, so what’s the point of wanting if you can never get it, anyway? 

It’s just easier when you’re alone. Less disappointment. 

The problem with this is that, over time, you disappear from your own life. 

You wait, and you linger, until someone gives you permission (of course, no one does). Eventually, you disappear … and wonder: will anyone even notice?

Woohoo!! You are clearly a woman of conviction.

You know what you want and you go after it.

You say yes when you mean yes and you say no when you mean no.

You value peace of mind and clarity of vision, and you are not afraid to call a spade a spade.

You also know when you pull away because there is no point in talking to a brick wall, is there?!